Have you ever wondered what are the key soft skills that can give you the confidence to attract opportunities, people and the life you want? And yes, it has an element of law of attraction in it, so if you do not believe it, stop reading now!
Only joking. I will be looking today at few practical steps to become a better version of yourself. I am not saying I am the "living perfection", not close! But worked out few ways of making thing happened for me.
You can learn charisma
So, what exactly is charm, otherwise known as charisma? It is defined as a quality of giving delight, admiration and emotional comfort. With charismatic person, people feel important.
You can be the smartest worker at your work or the fittest person among your friends, but it you have no charisma, the other factors will not matter.
Can charisma be learned? Of course!
Charm is a secret weapon. What about if we try few steps when trying to come across more charming and charismatic? What I love about the steps, is that you can implement them steeply step, until you master the entire formula. Let's explore them together.
1. Be positive
We never think about a charismatic person to be negative and down at all times. This way, they extract the negative energy and make other people feel it. When you enter a room, do not start from telling everyone of all the bad things that happened to you. And believe me, I have made this mistake many times myself! I simply didn't want to be dishonest, but I understood that if I want to connect with others, I must stop the negativity! There is many ways to be honest and do not spread this negativity around you. If after a bad meeting someone asked you how are you, simply say "Let's just say talking to you just made my day!" Try to find positive in any situation.
2. Work on First impression
You can try to make a good first impression every day if you want to. You may want to explore my previous blog on the secret recipe of making the Best first impression https://agnessopel.wixsite.com/qualityworkplace/post/psychology-of-first-impression
3. Be likeable
One of the main ways of becoming likeable is to be approachable and able to connect with others. Walk into a room with a smile with a positive and open body language. Put effort into your dressing also shows respect to others and respect yourself. Make eye contact with people. I know right? I am myself an introverted person, and still working on this. But when you take a big breath and focus on that moment you are in, the person you are talking to and give them full focus it can be an amazing experience. Show genuine curiosity and ask people questions about themselves. And of course, use humour where possible in non-offensive way.
4. Think positively about yourself
Have you ever heard a saying that "We are worth as twice as much as we think about ourselves, and as twice as less than other people thin of us"? Let's just focus today on the first part of the sentence. What it means, is that, generally, we think down of ourselves. The reasons could be different: we compare ourselves to others, we lack confidence, being told negative things about ourselves by others or other insecurities. But we need to change this negative thinking very fast. I understand, however, that there are things we want to change about ourselves, which is bringing this negative thinking. But, try to list all the negative perceptions about yourself and work on them one by one. It is the same with criticism of others. We can always make it to be constructive criticism and turn negative into a true positive highlight. I must admit, my passion for personal development comes from these perceptions. I spent a lot of time reflecting on my day or week and evaluating things I would like to change. Or, if I receive criticism I take it constructively. I was once told that my e-mails are little straight forward and authoritative. I took it on board, and learned how to write e-mail, attended courses and even started teaching others! In fact, my first blog ever written was about e-mail writing. You can read it here: https://agnessopel.wixsite.com/qualityworkplace/post/quality-internal-e-mail-communication-how-to-kiss-in-your-writing
The blog had been prosed on social media and by my friends, this has given me further confidence in writing. What an opportunity! And that's how we must look at criticism. Never say that you cannot learn or do something. If others can, you can do too! Be strategic about it.
5. Don't fear failure
We are talking about big changes today, right? But truly is the fear of failure that prevents us from doing what we want. It stands in the way of your success. I understand that fear creeps back in, but I have something that may help. Just do it!
6. Cut toxic people from your life
Do you surround yourself with happy or negative people? If you needed to evaluate five people who are closest to you, would there be any which drain your energy, and instead of joy bring drama and trouble? If yes, you may need to adjust your circle. This may mean, that you need to withdraw yourself from certain friendships, but if they are not grateful and thoughtful of you, it will not make you happy. That's the little things that matter. I have also gone through this transformation in my life. Of course its not easy, but if you continuously feel uncomfortable and do not enjoy being in a presence of someone, that somethings the wisest thing to do is to remove yourself from the situation. We all have different needs, values and expectations from life. We also change in different phases of our life and we may need to adjust the roles people play in our lives. We only have one life and want to sped it doing, talking about and enjoying things which makes us happy, let us to grow and contribute to a better society.
7. Don't be shy
Don't be afraid to stand out from the crowd. I remember one of the parties I attended recently. I knew that most of the woman will be wearing casual clothes, possibly trousers or mini skirts. I wanted to blend in, and prepared myself a black dress that I thought would be a safest bet. But deep down, I felt that I would not feel confident in it. I have had this glorious silk dress from Hanami D'or which was perfect for the occasion, but I was worried I would not fit in. The night before the event, I tried the black dress and felt terrible. I realised I would make a big mistake if I wore it he next day. Then I tried the silk dress and it made me feel fabulous.
When talking about standing out from the crowd, however, we must ensure we do not over do it and be humble. If someone complimented on my dress I wouldn't say "I know it looks great, right?". "Thank you, that's so kind of you. You look lovely as well! would be a better answer. The point is to show gratitude and act with moderation.
We should always try to be kind. I must admit, that being away from home from the early years and studying at a very competitive institution for a long time, its not been the best place to learn it. I grew up observing people around me often trying their best to outfit someone. But later on in my life I was lucky to meet people very close to me, who would never, but ever, say an unkind word about someone else. I a grateful for these relationships until now. It was truly eye-opening.
8. Be confident
When talking about confidence, its unfortunately something we need to work on if we feel we lack it. It is not always easy to remember that we are enough, we have enough and we are truly fantastic! But, there is good news for you. Even if you are still on your journey to transformation, even when we have low self-esteem we can show confidence. One other thing is that is is very attractive! I am not trying to persuade you to Fake it Until you Make it, it generally doesn't work and people can read others easily. So, to save yourself embarrassment try to practice until you become confident.
One way of battling it is to pick one confident character you admire and learn as much as possible about them. I have myself few of those people and I follow them constantly, read their books, watch their shows. To give you an example, I am not the most comfortable public speaker and always shy-away and being very nervous when I need to give a presentation. But what I have learned is that when I practice over time and follow those who I admire for their public speaking, I imagining more and more confidence. I even started posting short video messages recently, which I would never do a year ago! My point is, that practice make progress (not perfection!). What also helps me is meditation and taking a big breath before an important meeting or speech and imaging myself the confident person I want to become. Than, all eyes are on me and I am the better Agnes I desire to be. Its almost like a theatre pay with the one and only you character in it. It just takes practice.
9. Stick to your values
When it comes to be confident its handy to have with you a list of those values you represent or want to represent. By reading the list it will reminds you of who you are and want to become. For example the list may include: Kindness, Funny, Charming, Positive, Fair, Motivational, Graceful. The list can have anything in it that inspires you and that you want others to feel when you are around them.
9. Work on your personal skills
Your personality and soft skills are very important for our development and interactions with others. If you need a better routine to make yourself appear and look better, than work on it. When you do it, you will feel confident and others will feel it too. Its very contagious.
Thin about your voice. Is it aggressive, shy or powerful? Work on the solid, not too soft and not too loud voice that will make others wanting listening you or hours!
You may realise, you would like to improve you rapport building skills. Sometimes, simply showing someone that you recognise them appreciate them or even admire them will make them feel important. A good advise I have heard recently, was also to make notes about new people you meet. What is their name, their partners names, children. by putting this effort you ultimately building rapport.
Working on your insecurities is a great exercise. You can make a plan, in how to address them and action these plans. Yes, it is that simple. Take action!
I am currently working on trying to organise myself better. With a full time job (which I am absolutely passionate about!), university study, being a single mum of 14 years old daughter blogging, researching, exercising, running, housework and friends it is important for me to be very well organised. I have understood that if I am always prepared I can be in control that brings a level of confidence and calmness around me. I am not a morning person, therefore I prefer to plan the night before I go to bed. Another example would be an important meeting or presentation I need to give. I understand, that i I am not prepared, I will go into it with a very high degree of fear. This will make me feel not confident and the chances of having a success or great day are very slim. Therefore we should plan ahead and organise your thoughts. You can write them down, practice your speech. Once we do it it will be so much easier!
The most important thing in becoming a better version of yourself is to practice. You may evaluate all the insecurities, or plan actions to take to develop yourself. But, if you do not practice, this may be rather difficult journey. Practice, practice, practice!
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