One thing that I have learned about networking to find the most approachable people and approach them. Yes! It is that simple!
But, I am not going to finish here. Today, we will dig a little deeper into the TASK approach. It is promised, that by following this method you can make and keep a conversation with just about anyone. Sounds amazing, right?
I cannot take credit for it, however. These have been introduced by an etiquette expert Meier W. in her book "Modern Etiquette Made Easy". Meier is perceived as the American Queen of etiquette and I find a great pleasure about finding out about her life, her friendly approach and amazing advise she shares with people.
According to the method, the first step of TASK is to Target your audience. When selecting a group that you want to break into you need to target an open group. A closed group is easy to spot, their shoulders are together in a circle and the eye contact stays within the circle. An open group, on the other hand, peoples shoulders are angled out to the outside of the circle and it's members are open for anyone to join in within the room. Sometimes, you may need to wait for a close group to open up. It happens really!
Once you find the open group, there is also few tricks to make it work for you.
As with any group, there will be different personality types. You will spot leader very easily, as if all the people stand, everyones toes will be facing the same direction. It will be the most dominant person in the group. This person will generally make the decisions. There are also the followers of the leader, that may even look like them, but they are submissive and will accept anything the leader says. There is also the shy person, who are nice, kind and welcoming. They may not approach you, but will welcome you. If you compliment them, they confidence will raise and they will likely have an open conversation with you. In the group, there is also the no-person. This one does not trust anyone and generally will have a negative outlook at any strangers. And there is the neutral person. They are non-confrontational and want everyone to get alone. They are fair and nice to talk to.
The second step of the TASK method is to Approach. Here, the focus is on being confident and honest. If you are at the event on your own, you can approach the group and simply introduce yourself. You may say that you don't know anyone and wanted to say hello. This will signal to others that you are confident and others do respect open and confident personalities.
Sometimes, we may approach a group and they will not be very welcoming. What do you do? Brush it off and move on, its their problem and not yours! You want to surround yourself with only kind and good people, so give yourself a favour and move on. There is no need to hold any negative feelings, as you are here to enjoy yourself and is someone doesn't want it, its their loss.
Lets move to the next step Start Conversation. Believe me, you are not alone if you unsure on how to start a conversation. One good advise here is to avoid talking only about yourself. Show interest in others, ask questions, engage, compliment and make them feel important. When asking questions, try to ensure these are open questions. It is also useful to prepare few topics before the event on which you would like to talk about. Ensure that you are knowledgable in those topics and they are not sensitive or offensive. Are there any theatre plays you are looking to attend? Is there any membership you recently joined?
There are some good conversation starters:
" What will you get up to this weekend?"
How do you know....?"
"What is your favourite cuisine/restaurant"?
"Where are you planning your next holiday"?
Be cautious when talking about the weather, it is often a dead-end topic.
There are also other topics which should not be discussed. For example: politics, religion, money, sex, sickness, diet, gossip of personal family information. You can never assume someones point of view therefore talking about these, may bring in a heated debate which will be difficult to overcome. These are private topics and may be hurtful to others. Some may even make people feel uncomfortable, like asking how much something costs or releasing your drunken-party details or smoking habits. Someone may not like it and think negatively of you.
Nobody also wants to hear about your sicknesses and ilness. And never, and I mean ever, announce that you are on a diet. People may feel bad about what they have ordered having you around. It is all about making everyone feel comfortable and enjoying the time with you. Gossiping is also bad manners. Do not gossip about someone and especially someone in the room behind their back. It may make you look really bad, talking about someone else. It is a sign of insecurity and others will think that you want make yourself look better.
Asking questions like "Are you married?", or "Do you have kinds?" are also inappropriate and may cause uncomfortable feelings. It is also recommended to ask about others position or work. Others may take you as an opportunist.
In terms of compliments, try not to compliment religious jewellery or marital, as it may bring up a sensitive topic. It is also good to compliment someone appearance when you first see them, and not to wait until the middle or the end of conversation. These will not come off as genuine.
The last step of the TASK method is to Keep Conversation. We should keep the conversation going. But, there is a solution. Simply listen, ask question and stay engaged. That's it.
We know already, that we need to ask open ended questions. These would generally start with "what", "why", and "how". Remember, do not forget compliment someone is there is anything amazing they did or achieved. You also, must listen to all the responses. They may ask questions back and you need to be engaged.
The conversation subject, would be a great start when you follow up with people after the event.
One last thing that is very important when showing up to an event, you timing. It is considered good etiquette to arrive no later than 20 minutes, but you also do not want to arrive too early. Arrive 10-15 late. This way you are not literally the first person to arrive. However, if it is a meeting, you should never be late. Arrive 10 minutes early to prepare.
I hope the method has brought some insights and give you more confidence when attending events and parties. Remember, you need to practice. This will make you the Networking Pro. Good luck!
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